Special Guest Star

No one in Asheville watches TV. It's very odd. I was raised by television and I lived in a city where it's a major industry. I've encountered people who don't watch TV before. They talk about art and literature and theatre, which are all things I enjoy as well. But I wouldn't trade all the time I spent watching Alf for anything. I quote The Simpsons on a daily basis. They are just part of my vocabulary. A comedian once joked that Generation X could be defined by one phrase: "Oh my God, this is just like that episode of Bewitched." I find myself saying that a lot, too, because life is just like that episode of Bewitched!

Since moving to Asheville, we're watched almost no television. First, we didn't have a TV set. Then we didn't have cable. Then we were too busy. I've missed countless episodes of Battlestar Galactica, Doctor Who and The Venture Brothers. Maybe that's why I've been on edge lately. Maybe television, in all its scripted glory, brings me comfort on some level. A frequency or wavelength from childhood that calms and subdues, like a mother's voice or a bowl of soup.

My mind works in TV terms. We have our first houseguest visiting us at the moment, and I can't help but feel that Michael and I got a spin-off with a new story and a new setting, but a character from the old show is popping in to boost ratings. It's like the Fonz visiting Joanie Loves Chachi. Well, not the Fonz. Mike's not that cool. But at least Doctor Huxtable visiting A Different World, even after Denise left the show. I mean, why would he visit his daughter's roommates after she dropped out? Ratings.

So, I'm keeping an eye on our ratings and on the studio audience. And if you didn't get the Joanie Loves Chachi reference then, truly, I pity you.