Are You There, Vodka? It's me, Chance

I don't know where to begin. Let me try to explain this...as I understand it...to the folks back in Los Angeles. In North Carolina, you can buy beer and wine at grocery stores and specialty stores, except on Sundays before noon. Hard alcohol is only available at government-run stores called ABC. That's the only place you can buy the hard alcohol. The government sets the price and that's that. You have to pay what they ask and buy it where they tell you, or you're out of luck.

Okay, okay, so try to wrap your head around this. In Los Angeles, you can go to any number of liquor stores and grocery stores and get any kind of booze you want any time of day. So how is this affecting me, exactly? I'm used to going and getting my Ruby Red Absolut any time and any place I want. Sometimes it's cheaper at BevMo, sometimes it's cheaper at the Russian Jon's down the street. The point is that it's the perfect summer beverage and I love it in lemonade, iced tea, orange juice, 7-Up, cereal, tooth paste, you name it.



So now...it's summer...temperatures are climbing...I'm throwing lemons into the Lemonator and I need some Ruby Red! Well, sorry kids, I have only one choice as dictated by the government. This must be how the Russians felt in the Soviet Union, standing in line for their government-issued vodka.

We may live in a red state, but it's not a ruby red state. It's going to be a long summer.